Thursday, August 30, 2007

Mid Life Crisis?

Ok, so who knows, maybe I'm having a midlife crisis or something. I feel like I just kinda don't "care" anymore..if that makes any sense! And YES to your next question....I AM posting twice in one day...I'm sure it won't be the first time! I also want to appologize for my first post being so negative. If anyone reads that and acctually comes BACK to read a second post, I'll be shocked! lol

I just got back from back to school night. What a nightmare that was. Parking was rediculous, but Jordyn really likes her teacher, and I'm happy about that. So I get there, and I look around at all the other parents in the class, and I felt sooooo out of place! The moms all had their makeup done, their hair nice, dressy clothes on with jewelry, and fancy shoes. Me, on the other hand..didnt really think I was gonna go, so I didnt do JACK to myself. I wore dirty old flip flops, black capri sweats, a tank top that is WAYYY too big for me, and my hair in a lazy pony tail. NO makeup, no jewelry. I felt soooo embarrassed! Oh well, thank God it wasn't Jacobs class...he would have suffered the all humiliation network tomorrow with his friends!

So...since I'm going through this crisis...I figured I should make some lists to help me get over my FUNK.

The first list will be things that I think I'm really good at, and the second one will be things I need to work on.

Things I'm good at and things I love.... (I will keep this "G" rated, although I could write a whole blog on other things I'm good at..haha)

*making cute kids
*practicing making cute kids (just kidding)
*making friends
*helping others
*making people smile
*loving with all my heart
*spending money (I may have to put this in my "things to work on" list too!)
*tucking my kids in
*reading novels in one weekend
*planning fun vacations
*making my kids smile
*creating a meal out of NOTHING
*watching reality tv shows over and over again (even reruns)

*love mexican food
*love my kids and family
*love giving gifts
*love christmas, Thanksgiving and Halloween
*love camp Noyo
*love Wyones house
*love my new house (although not when its a mess-which is always)
*love nature, and just being OUTSIDE in the fresh air
*love going to the ocean
*love playing in the snow
*love love love watching 80's movies
*love cropping with my friends
*love talking to my friends about anything and everything
*love reminiscing about the past
*love my daydreams...cause they are wonderful and I live through them when I'm down in the dumps (which is often lately)
*love cheesecake
*love how my son still wants his CUDDLE time with me, even though he's in 6th grade now
*love watching how much Jordyn loves art
*love how Jadyn is already a sneaky little pooper scooper
*love the word "bippee" cause it's funny as hell!
man, this list could go on an on, so I'll stop right here

what I need to improve on.....
*being a better wife
*not being so judgemental
*not YELLING at my kids when they're bad
*taking time for myself
*my housekeeping skills...they're nonexistant
*watching my language
*being obsessive and wanting what I can't have
*not forgiving myself for my past
*not having the best relationship with my parents
*not being able to let go of lost loved ones
*not having "TIME" for everything my family needs me for
*not dressing up enough and being lazy

ok, this post is depressing again...geez...I've never written in a journal before...this could get rediculous, cause I feel like I could write forever and never shut up! Tomorrow's a new out!

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